Picture walking up to every person that you know and handing them the keys to your house, your car and your safe deposit box. Then picture those same people using the keys that you gave them, walking up to your house, car and safe deposit box and accessing them anytime they wanted to. Now, imagine they have had this access for years. Somedays it wasn’t an issue because you weren’t really doing anything and on some days it was a little irritating becuase they just barged in and took over your house. They took your car when you had somewhere to go and then they accessed your safe deposit box just becuase they could. While doing so, sometimes they were grateful for your generosity but some days they used the access simply becuase it was available and now the access is no longer used with you in mind. It is just used because it is there. The scenario I just laid out for you is how things can go when you give pepople (family, friends, coworkers, associates,etc.) full access to you. Some people will use it sparingly and some people will use it all the time. Sometimes people get comfortable and think they can dump their problems in the middle of your living room and then just leave. Some poeple will think they can say what they want to you without thinking and expect you to be okay with it. When those things happen, you may have to step back and set boundries. Why? Becuase if you don’t it can take a toll on you and if you are not careful you will start to internalize other people’s problem. This is one of the most unhealthly things that you can do. God put you on earth to be there for other people but He did not put you on earth to carry other people’s problems and the world on your shoulders. That is His job (“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11.28). There is a difference between being there for someone in their time of need and carrying them and their problems. You have to make sure that you know the difference or you will end up in a place where you feel like you are weighed down. Sis, if you feel like you are in this place. Here are a few things that you can do.
- Pray and Fast. Ask God to show you where you belong in each situation. This may include giving up social media, limiting some source of commuication and of course deliberetly spending time with God each day so that you can hear from Him.
- Take Care of Yourself. Make sure you are paying attention to your own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Exercise, pray, meditate, rest, get some sleep and make sure you are eating right.
- Surround Yourself with Positve People. Sometimes you need to make sure you are surrounded by people that you can just be yourself with. This is important. While it is great to be there for others, you need friends that you don’t have to be anything with. You need friends and family that will just let you BE.
- Set Boundries. Have those hard conversations and let people know how they impact your life. Whether it is positve or negative people have a right to know. Once that conversation is had then you and the other person/people can decide what the next step is. Keep in mind there are some people who don’t care how you feel and if that is the case, that is an easy decision to make. Note: Self Accountability is important here. You are not always the victim. Sometimes you helped the situation get to where it is.
- Walk in Your Entitlement. You deserve to make the best decisions for you and your well being. If you are at peace about it, I think it is safe to say it is a part of God’s plan.