It’s Cloudy Over Here Sis…

Hey Sis, have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you were forgotten about?

Maybe you felt like you have sacrificed so much for work, a project or a relationship only to feel like in the end you were left with an unfair deal. So much so that you start to doubt the promises that God made to you because you don’t see them coming your way? Maybe you feel like you have done what you were supposed to and it is unfair that the one time that you think that you deserve something BIG that God has been promising you and you don’t get it, that it will not happen. I can honestly say that while I am writing this, that is exactly how I am feeling. I feel like God is making me wait. I feel like he is making me and my family wait. I also feel like it is unfair and to be honest, I am really in my feelings. Like for real y’all! I am sad, disappointed, lost, confused and hurt. All at the same dang time. The emotion is sooo raw and I feel soo vulnerable. I feel like there is no clear direction at this moment in my life. It is an uneasy feeling. It is a feeling of uncertainty and I don’t like being here.

As I talked to my BIG brother (my personal and professional Godly mentor, a safe space) about this, he reassured me that it was okay for me to feel this way.  He also reminded that it is okay to let God know how I feel in any way that I needed to.  Some examples were crying, fussing,  and questioning the moment(s). As I listened to him, I thought to myself, Bro…I have already done those things.   In my mind, it didn’t matter what I did, I still felt alone, unsure and left in the dark. It was and still is hard for me to see His perfect plan.  It was cloudy where I stood even though outside where I was while I was on the phone, the  sun was shining bright.  We continued to talk, and I was able to see the good in where I was at the moment and the impact I have had where I am.  We also discussed how our journey that we walk is never truly about us and never really has been. We discussed how our journey is for others.  Things that I already know but sometimes I personally have to be reminded.  Why? Because sometimes I get in my own way.  I try to make plans for God when really, he makes the plans for us. (Jeremiah 29;11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future).  Sometimes I overthink or underthink (I am not sure if that is a real word) what is going on in my life.  That is where the real confusion and frustration sets in and I end up down a rabbit hole like Alice in Alice in Wonderland.  

After we finished our conversation and I was left with some deliverables, I ended the night with no clear direction. Yesterday, I still felt broken down and emotionally raw. Something that is hard for me to deal with as I am a very private person when it comes to my emotions. The day was a blur. From the time I walked into the office, I was pulled in so many different directions that I didn’t get to sit down at my desk until 45 minutes after I arrived. I ended up having a conversation with one of my “safe spaces” who listened to me in my emotionally raw and vulnerable state. She watched me cry, listened to me talk, gave me a hug and she was just there. My “safe space” has things going on in her life herself but she took the time out of her extremely busy day to just be there. During our talk she said, “Even though we think we are, we are never alone”. She had no idea that I felt alone in the things that we talked about, somethings I did not share with her for the sake of time BUT there was God, using someone to speak to me about how I was feeling. There was God reminding me that even though I felt that way, that was not the case. As we wrapped up our conversation, I received a text from one of my favorite people who is also a part of my village. She sent me a screenshot of her daily devotion. It was titled, “Leave the Outcome to Me”. The first sentence was follow me where I lead, without worrying how it will all turnout. I was amazed, in such a short time God had shown me that he was still walking with me. If nothing else, it was reassuring that He still has me even though at this moment I feel like it is still cloudy over here. My outlook isn’t clear, and I am unsure of when the sun will come out and brighten my view. There are life decisions and things that I feel need answers to based on what God has promised me and right now even a few days later I still feel lost.

However, I do know one thing, I won’t be here forever. I have to remember that everything that happens in my life is a part of God’s plan for me or me and my family. It is His way of protecting us and making sure that we are within his perfect will. I also have to remember that anything that happens or does not happen is not about us personally. It is for the people that we will meet along the journey that God has designed for us. Although I may feel lost and alone, I am not (Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”). The forecast is a little cloudy and some days I may even run into some thick fog, but God is with me every step of the way. Even as I type this, I am reminded that I am human and will have my moments of uncertainty. I know I am not alone but some days it will feel that way and it is okay. However, the key is to trust God and he will be the light that will help us get to our destination (Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight).

Today, know that you are not alone Sis and never will be.  Put your complete trust in God.  He will definitely show up at the right time.

 

9 thoughts on “It’s Cloudy Over Here Sis…”

  1. I’ve been in a season of waiting in my own life. In our waiting God reveals our true motives. God tests us not to find out how we would do (He already knows) but to show us what is really in our hearts. True emotions and sin appear when you wait.

    God also wants to increase our faith. If we never had to wait then we would never need a reason to trust God. God will make you wait. More often than not God will not give you things on your timing. During my waiting process I can think of many times I thought “how long Lord?” However when God does blessed us the joy of God’s faithfulness superseded the dread of waiting. His timing is always perfect!

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  2. Thank you for this message. It spoke volumes to my heart. I’ve felt broken dealing with recent events with my son but because I’m the counselor, I’m expected to remain strong. This is one time I truly felt God must have forgotten me…he couldn’t think I was strong. But, I will continue to push forward.

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    1. You are soooo welcome. Please know that you are not alone and he has not forgotten about you. All of these things are a test of your faith. Know that He loves you and you will make it through these times.

      Joshua 1:9

      Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

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  3. Thank you for sharing this amazing testimony! This just goes to show that God has His hand in everything. This very instance is being used to encourage others with the platform that He’s provided you. As women of Christ, we are merely his vessels. All things work for our good and His glory. Remember, our mission is not to always know His plan but it is to “know the Man. To see His face, and along our journey continue to encourage others and spread the Good News … thank you for both. I love you much!

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    1. Tamethia Perkins, you are welcome and thank you for always being in my corner and a part of my village. Thank you for the reminder that he has his hand in everything. Love you more!

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  4. Thank you for sharing this amazing testimony! This just goes to show that God has His hand in everything. This very instance is being used to encourage others with the platform that He’s provided you. As women of Christ, we are merely his vessels. All things work for our good and His glory. Remember, our mission is not to always know His plan but it is to “know the Man. To see His face, and along our journey continue to encourage others and spread the Good News … thank you for both. I love you much!

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

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  5. Thank you for always being true. Through your message today I learned a key thing. Still keeping God First even when. Because to be truthful, I can’t even tell you the last time I even talked to him. I don’t think I have been keeping his presence in my presence because I feel like I’m just surviving. I it anyhoo, thank you. I hope that the right, positive things keep showing up and showing out for you throughout this time. I believe they will because God always reveals your perfect peace at what seems like the most imperfect time. Love to you ma’am

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    1. Chasady, You are welcome. My prayer for you is that when the time is right that you will make the time to talk to Him. Remember he is always listening and with us. We are meant to live and enjoy life not just survive. Love you too.

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