A moment of vulnerability.
I hate what I have done and allowed others to do to my body a couple of years ago. Mentally and physically I gave up due to unrealistic expectations and by pushing through the pain. The others, I let them tell me I wasn’t the right size or look which made me hate my body and the features I was always taught to love.
After what I believe was moderate neglect on my end, I am in healing and repair mode. Some days I feel it is too late and some days I feel like it is okay where I am. It took years for me to get here and it will take time but one day I will fall in real love with her all over again.
Right now I have a love hate relationship with her. Some days I look at her and see triumph. Some days I see pain, neglect and the impossible. But I do see her. She is there. Waiting to be welcomed unconditionally. Some days I walk full speed towards her ready to embrace her and catch up like the old friends that we are. I am ready to talk about the journeys we have taken, and some days I stop in my tracks and turn around and run, in hopes that she didn’t see me. I always think, I will be back when I am ready, the commitment is more
than I can handle. Will she forgive me? How will she treat me?
Then I think about the times where I left her and came back. She has always been there with me. She has always been there to greet me. It’s not
her. It’s me. One day I will get the courage and give my body, her most deserving apology.